There's this space in my soul. It's the space where my secret fears and anxiety lives. It's the space where I hide my deepest insecurities. This space usually stays hidden, away from the prying eyes of others...even myself. Then other times the air in that space becomes thin and suddenly I am gasping for breath, desperate to keep the feelings of inadequacy at bay.
There's this space in my soul. A place where confidence gathers steam, where I find strength and hope and inspiration. This place, too, stays hidden until I suddenly burst forth from my quiet, introspective usual shell and stand.my.ground. At those times the air is violently churning, producing winds of unknown proportion in my soul and I can't let it out fast enough.
These days, I've found a new space in my soul, where grief resides. Where the pain is so deep, the ache is so profound I wonder when I will next be able to take a breath without air escaping around the lump in my throat. This place too, stays hidden, until the grief builds up and suddenly shuddering breaths of pain and sorrow escape, usually accompanied by a torrent of tears.
These days, I'm desperately longing for the space in my soul filled with joy to take over again. For the smile that I wear to be genuine again, not inadequately masking the sadness beneath. For the bubbles of air to happily flow from within, lightly and carefree. I don't want this place to be in my soul to be hidden. I want to let this place shine and yet, right now, it's not the time. The joy is still there, it's just covered up, muted, with the realities of life as other spaces in my soul take precedent.
Somewhere down the road...
