A post on "the change"

I was wandering through Target. I had a list of items I was looking for, things I actually needed, items I wanted but didn't need. I wandered down one aisle and felt a tingling in my body. It was subtle, a feeling I'd had when it had been awhile since eating or drinking anything. I picked up my pace a little, and headed towards the card aisle. That's when the sweating began. This wasn't low blood sugar, this was a hot flash.

I don't really understand why women's bodies have to go through menopause, the "change", whatever you decide to call it. I don't get how one minute I can be sleeping peacefully and the next minute sweating so profusely that I have to get up and change my pj's. I don't understand why I can be calming walking through Target one moment and the next standing in the card aisle fanning myself with the biggest card there is and wondering if I'm going to need to purchase new clothes before I walk out the door. I don't get why my hormones can shift so quickly that one minute I'm angry beyond all understanding and the next crying. What is it in these hormones that makes s'mores Pop Tarts look so darn good today and the Tortilla Chips covered in salt so appealing the next??

The hot flash probably lasted about 3 minutes. My hair was soaked, my stress activated deodorant got a work out and my cart suddenly was filled with chocolate, though I had successfully passed those aisles earlier without those items. My heat addled brain took over long enough for a detour back to those aisles. The iced mocha purchased on the way out the door began the cool down...I did successfully pass up the food court breadsticks...winning!!...and I was out the door to my car where the engine went on and the AC went up to MAX.

I'm just in peri-menopause. I've heard it gets worse. I may not make it through without buying a portable AC. I've seen them on TV. They are small and look like they travel well. The people on TV even use them outside. For now, I'll make do with the cards in the card aisle, the fan on a keychain that was in my stocking at Christmas...though the blades run backwards and the air goes towards my fingers not my face...or whatever item that happens to be around for me to fan myself at any given moment.

So if you see me out and about and my face is red, my hair is sticking to the side of my head and I look one step away from finding a tub of ice water to dunk myself in, just hand over the chocolate and a fan. I'll be okay in 3 - 5 minutes. It's just "the change".

A post about crap I'm tired of

A blogger I used to read had as a label for some of her posts "crap I'm tired of".  I have gotten used to thinking that way about many things in the years since I first started reading her blog (she since changed blogs and that label isn't used anymore.)  I'm blatantly stealing it for this post and it may become a regular in this blog.

Crap I'm tired of:

• Politics.  I'm tired of the same political conversations being held over and over again.  I'm tired of the debates, I'm tired of the rhetoric, I'm tired of looking and someone and wondering just how much they have been groomed for the position.
• On that same politics bent, I am also tired of the problems with the country resting solely on the shoulders of one person.  Last time I looked there was a whole slew of Senators and Representatives that had a lot of responsibility for the situation we are in at the moment as well.
• I'm tired of the label of "poor" being slung around to only mean those who choose to live on the streets and not work.  I know plenty of working poor.  Honestly, if I had children, I would be one of the working poor.
• I'm tired of racism, sexism, ageism and the rest of the "isms".  I know I fall into those categories at times...I'm tired of it in myself.
• I'm tired of gas prices rising and rising and rising.  Between Monday and today prices went up 30 cents at one station.  I will ride the bus and the light rail as much as possible...and please don't try to tell me that's the President's fault.  Take a look at how much profit, not gross, but PROFIT the oil companies make and the insistence this country has on not building more mass transit (still wishing for a light rail system on this side of the hill).
• I'm tired of feeling like I'm never going to __________________.  Too many things to fill in the blank there.

And right now, I'm just tired.

A post about current events

"Once in a while, our culture needs to be surprised by how much we love people–all people. Once in a while, our culture needs to be overwhelmed with joy that we are involved in the greater story. Once in a while, our culture needs to see us being a part of the solution and not the problem."--Matthew Paul Turner


This week I have been struggling to even want to belong to "the church" anymore.  I'm tired, oh so tired, of the debates about who is in and who is out.  Who is wrong and who is right.  I'm tired of feeling ashamed of the label of "Christian".  I'm tired of the finger pointing.  I'm tired of turning on my computer/TV/radio and being slammed in the face with hatred.  I'm tired of all of this.


But I'm not tired of God.  I'm not ashamed of Jesus and those two facts alone have kept me from calling it quits this week.  I may be tired of all the hoops and words and condemnation and anger and justification but I still love God and still love Jesus.  I'm clinging to the hope that one day the church will remember that we are called to love all people and can be a part of the solution, not the problem.

A post about weight

I'm tired.  I'm damn tired.  I'm tired of hearing people who have never, ever had a significant weight problem in their whole entire life talk about weight issues.  I'm admittedly biased on this subject and have a really hard time seeing the whole thing clearly.  That said, I don't want to sit through another evening where people who haven't really ever struggled with weight issues discuss how simple it is to lose weight.  Hello, can you even flippin' see me sitting here?!  Seriously, do you see how I SHUT DOWN every time this freakin subject comes up?!  No, obviously you can't.

I am living the obesity "problem".  I walk around everyday with too many pounds on my body.  I have been on the weight loss programs.  I know how they work.  I know what I should and shouldn't eat.  I have done the Jazzercise, the walking, the gym.  I KNOW how to take weight off.  I can do it.  Time and time again I've found that simple answer is not so simple.  Beneath the layers of fat, there are layers of issues.  Beneath the knowledge of how to take the weight off are the years of words and thoughts that have helped the weight pile on.  I wish, oh how I wish, it was just a food problem.  It's not.

For me, the weight isn't just about the food.  There is something deeper happening, something that I'm not even fully aware of keeping me from successfully losing weight.  It's a psychological problem, not just a food problem.  It's a security thing, an insecurity thing and so much more all wrapped up into one bundle of something I can't even fully explain.  I wish it was just about food.  It's not.

So you all just go ahead, you keep talking about how this country has an obesity problem and how we all need to cut back on fat and carbs and sugar and sodas and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.  Please tell us all how we should just eat less and work out more.  I'll kindly get up and leave the conversation because you obviously don't see me sitting there anyway.  How about we talk about the respect problem there is in the world...yeah, let's go there next because clearly, y'all are respectful.