A post on being single

Being single has its perks. There is a lot of freedom to choose how I spend my days, my money, where I expend energy and who I choose to have as friends...plus more. Being single also has its drawbacks. I am solely responsible for how I choose to spend my days, my money, where I expend energy and who I choose to have as friends...plus more. It's a catch 22.

One really tough part of being single, and childless, is going places alone. I am a true introvert, so going to events solo just about does me in...and honestly, sometimes I just don't go because, well, small talk and people. If I know there will be friends there to be my safety net, aka people I don't have to make small talk with, then I can convince myself to go somewhere alone. Otherwise, it's a no-go. Just thinking about having to make small talk causes my brain to shut down. I just don't.do.small.talk.well and people wear me out.

Going places alone, where I might not actually have to talk to people, then, shouldn't be so bad, right? Wrong. There are still people. People who might look at me wandering alone through, say, the zoo and wonder why I'm alone at the zoo. Like it's really anyone's business. Nor are people actually looking at me because they are involved in their own experience at the zoo. Plus, what does it matter if a complete stranger I will probably never see again thinks it's odd that I'm at the zoo alone? But yet, there it is. Yes, I am a convoluted human being.

When I found myself in a pretty serious downward spiral this past weekend, I knew that I needed to get myself out of the house or depression would overtake me. My adventure friend, Mom, was out of town and I needed to make a quick decision, so I got myself together, got in the car and went to the aquarium...gulp...alone. I've been a member of the aquarium for a year, so it wasn't like I was doing something super extravagant. (Side note, saying I am a member of the aquarium makes me feel very, very grown up. Sometimes my brain forgets that I AM a grown-up.)

I got there late in the afternoon and had three hours to enjoy the aquarium. I sat and watched a sea turtle chase fish around the Deep Sea exhibit. I wandered through and admired the jellyfish. I staked out a good spot to watch a scuba diver feed the fish and leopard sharks in the Kelp Forest. I looked for California Halibut hiding in the sand of the tide exhibit. I visited with the penguins, sea otters and the giant sea bass (seriously that thing is huge!). I watched an octopus play with a ball in it's exhibit and marveled at how they can change colors and blend in to their surroundings. I wandered, for three hours, alone and only spoke to the employee at the entrance and the employee in the gift shop. It was lovely.

After the aquarium closed, I walked down a path to the ocean, where I stood and watched Harbor Seals sleep. It wasn't very exciting. I didn't stay long. Then, I headed back to my car and went home.

You know what I noticed in my time at the aquarium? There were other people there alone, too. I didn't wonder why they were alone. I didn't really pay a whole lot of attention to them. I did my own thing and worked really, really hard to focus on something besides all the fear, anxiety, stress and crap racing through my brain. I won't deny, several times I had to push back the tears that threatened, as thoughts I was trying to keep at bay rushed to the surface. But overall, the trip did the trick. The downward spiral slowed.

As I drove home, I started thinking, of places that I wanted to go that I normally would choose to go with someone else. What was stopping me from going to Disneyland alone? The answer? Nothing...well, except for Saturdays that are blocked out for the type of Disneyland pass I have and work. But after my afternoon at the aquarium, I may just figure out a way to make it happen. 😉

A post about traveling

About a month and a half ago a friend of mine asked me to join her family for the baptism of her baby.  She made an offer I couldn't refuse and so the plans were made.  Last Tuesday morning I packed up the car and after work headed for the mountains of Lake Tahoe.  It was the first Fourth of July I had to spend in Tahoe in years and it was lovely.  A few hours with my Brother and his family and a few hours with my parents and fireworks.  All good.

The next day we headed over to the airport in Reno and I flew up to Seattle.  After a couple of hours waiting in Seattle, I headed over to the smaller airport to catch the next plane.  The smaller airport with the smaller plane.  The SMALLLEEERRRR plane.  9 seats for passengers.  I was worried that I might get airsick being in that small of a plane but as we took off, my worries about being sick disappeared and I looked out on the sights of Seattle.  We flew past the Space Needle and over the mountains and islands to Port Angeles.  I soon found myself in Sequim, Washington and another place that I could see myself living.

There are many places that I would like to have a place to land.  In Sequim or Port Angeles it would be somewhere with an ocean view, but maybe not up on the mountain...the noise from Hwy 101 was noticeable at night.  The weather was almost perfect.  74 degrees was the highest the temps got.  I can handle that.  The mountains are close by, there are lakes to go to and the beach.  Plus trees!  Lots and lots of trees!

In Tahoe it would be either on Fallen Leaf Lake (the far side) or somewhere on the Zephyr side of Tahoe, near the lake of course.

I loved Nashville but would want to be out in the country, away from the hustle of the big city.  The town of Franklin was cute and is home to many Country and Christian Music entertainers.  That could be a fun town to live in.  Mississippi would only be a possibility in the winter and then I would want a house right on the Gulf of Mexico...like one of those that Hurricane Katrina destroyed.  Washington DC would be amazing in the late fall or early spring.  Then I would want an apartment close to the Smithsonian. 

Nevada, Utah, Nebraska, Kansas, Texas and Florida are not options.  Neither is Arizona and that has a lot to do with the politics of Arizona.  I haven't spent much time, at all, in the upper East Coast but I have a feeling some of those beach towns would make the list of places I wouldn't mind landing.

Of course, there is no place like home.  After a almost a week of traveling, it was good to come home, sleep in my own bed and use my own shower.  This short trip helped ease the traveling itch in my soul for the moment...but not for long!  Trip number two soon!